Dear Sue

Today has been a particurlary bad day as i still miss you so much,9 weeks have gone by now & i am so devestated that you my friend are no longer here to chat to or even call.

On December 18th your precious daughter Kate called Junie because she couldn't reach me,she had called to say you were sick & gone into hospital for tests.I tried contacting you or anyone for that matter with no luck.The following day Kate called to say you had cancer,my world just flipped over,"Cancer" how could you possibly have cancer,my God you are only 45 it is just not possible.So i say "when are they starting treatment" & Kate said straight after Christmas,you wanted to be alone with your husband & children for Christmas.

I was telling Mike & he had a look on his face that said something is wrong but i chose to totally ignore it,in all fairness what do men know!!!!!!!.

December 28th you were admitted in terrible pain & it was then i realised i hadn't even asked where the cancer was,how could i possibly not ask that question,what was i thinking,obviously i was just in total denial at that stage.

December 29th i got the call that would change our friendship forever,a longstanding friendship,sharing our childrens births,b/day parties,communions,confirmations,even my grandsons birth,who would i be that close to now,who will share all my other events ???

The news was that you had only weeks to live you had cancer in your breasts,lungs & brain.A voice in my head just kept screaming why why why,what did she ever do so wrong to deserve this,why Susan.

Little did i know then that i wouldn't even get to say goodbye,that last farewell stolen form us by a cruel cruel illness so undeserving.

They started your treatment straight away,you grasped at any chance to get more time with the kids,totally understandable as any mother would do.No visitors because of how gravely ill you were,so we all just clung to the hope that you would come home & at least we could call to see you.

Gods plan was that you were going to his home & not your own you lived just 4 weeks after been diagnoised.

I went to say goodbye & i was just so traumatised by the pain i saw on your face,i just couldn't get my head straight,i went into a bad depression & all i wanted was to say goodbye to my friend of 26 years,my friend that i worked with,laughed with,cried with,went throught birth plans with,but i wasn't given that chance,i felt so robbed & cheated,was i always going to carry this image of my friend with me,one i wished i had never seen,one that made me forget your smiling face,i just couldn't get past it.

Then yesterday your beautiful wonderful daughter Kate gave Junie a picture of you taken a few months ago,there was my wonderful smiling friend.I thanked God so much for giving you back to me my wonderful smiling Susan.

I miss you & i always will ,i hope you are happy now Suz & pain free ,you don't have to worry about your children as they are getting over this together,you would be so proud of them,they are now using the life skills you instilled into them all these years.

I miss you my wonderful friend & always will...

Ger